I was two years old when I first saw the devil. Tall like the streetlamp next to which he stood, his face was like the Chinese dragon statues, although I could not have described this at the time. When I did try to describe what I saw, my cousins who were babysitting me laughed. I’ve seen the devil several times since then, most recently when I was diagnosed with depression, again.
In my home country, depression is treated with sensitivity. First, and foremost, physicians are trained to look for signs of suicidal tendencies. A referral may be made to a psychiatrist or other mental health care professional for psychotherapy. Oftentimes antidepressants are prescribed. Research suggests a combination of therapy and medication is most effective in combating this commonly stigmatised condition.
Over my teaching career, I have battled with depression off and on since my first diagnosis over 14 years ago. My physician at the time stated, “you probably have been experiencing undiagnosed depression for years.”
Willingly, I took the medication, and with slight hesitation, I began therapy. In retrospect, I realise that I would stop the medication whenever I was in a good place, which for me meant a balance of emotional, financial, spiritual, and physical health. Whenever I allowed too many stressors in my life, I would return to the doctor’s office (for a renewal of my prescription), and my therapist and I began an “open door” policy i.e., whenever I felt the need, “talk” therapy would resume.
When I shared my concerns with the Iraqi doctor on duty, his face crumpled up in horror, and I had to convince him that I needed this medication.
“The insurance will not pay for it,” he said.
“I need it, prescribe it anyway,” I replied.
He also said, he could not put the diagnosis in the system for me because that would give me six months leave from work. Although it sounded appealing, I wasn’t looking for time off from work. The worst thing a person with depression can do is isolate him/ her self. I told him to put whatever he wanted in the system, I just need my medication.
What I realised that day was depression is not freely discussed in this culture, and if you need help with the condition, you had better be assertive in seeking assistance. I also learned, or rather, was reminded, that depression is not a crime or a weakness… it just is.
I was also reminded that I must do a better job in taking care of myself, which for me means: regular exercise, living in the UAE, the land of eternal sunshine, I thought depression was behind me, that is, until I had no desire to get out of my bed, get dressed or speak to anyone for three months. After one particularly difficult day, I conceded and went to the hospital for the medication I knew I needed.
When I shared my concerns with the Iraqi doctor on duty, his face crumpled up in horror, and I had to convince him that I needed this medication.
“The insurance will not pay for it,” he said.
“I need it, prescribe it anyway,” I replied.
He also said, he could not put the diagnosis in the system for me because that would give me six months leave from work. Although it sounded appealing, I wasn’t looking for time off from work. The worst thing a person with depression can do is isolate him/ her self. I told him to put whatever he wanted in the system, I just need my medication.
What I realised that day was depression is not freely discussed in this culture, and if you need help with the condition, you had better be assertive in seeking assistance. I also learned, or rather, was reminded, that depression is not a crime or a weakness… it just is.
I was also reminded that I must do a better job in taking care of myself, which for me means: regular exercise, sunshine (lots of it!), committing only to tasks I can reasonably handle, being around positive people, and being consistent with my spiritual life.
Now that I fully recognize depression as the condition it is, I look forward to the day, when depression is gone forever from my life. I am fully aware this day may never come, as most people with depression will experience it again. However, I look for some joy in each day and, in time, maybe I can put this melancholy baby to eternal rest.
For more information on depression, including signs and symptoms, click on the links below.
World Health Organization
http://www.who.int/mediacentre/ factsheets/fs369/en/
National Institute for Mental Health
http://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/ topics/depression/index.shtml
By Myla Phyllis Grier
Myla is a teacher, writer and poet/ spoken word artist who studied in New york where she obtained her teaching degrees. A published author, Myla’s work includes her book God’s Daughter. She is currently working on a poetry collection, scheduled to be in print later this year.
